3 Steps to communicate effectively and assertively
It means expressing your opinions, emotions, and needs clearly, honestly, and respectfully without forgetting the needs of the ones you communicate with. There are six assertiveness skills we will discuss. Sometimes, for people who have a more passive style of communication, it may seem like the assertiveness style is too aggressive.
Get your priorities straight
To ask for something specific in a relationship, you first need to identify exactly what you want. This may not be clear initially, so one effective way to figure it out is by observing your feelings. Do you find yourself leaning towards one thing more than another? Does something feel like it's missing? Pay attention to these feelings.
Consider an important relationship in your life and use your intuition to ask yourself what you need from it. Do you feel the need for more support, or perhaps you want to offer your support and love? Do you wish to spend more time together with this person? Do you need to establish clearer boundaries regarding a plan you've made or say no to a request? It could be something entirely different. Take some time to think about it.
Use I statements
Start with "I feel": Begin by expressing your emotions. This helps you take ownership of your feelings rather than placing blame on the other person.
Example: "I feel frustrated..."
Describe the specific behavior or situation: Clearly state what action or event led to your feelings. Avoid using accusatory language.
Example: "...when you interrupt me during meetings..."
Explain the impact: Describe how the behavior or situation affects you. This helps the other person understand your perspective.
Example: "...because it makes it hard for me to share my ideas."
Express your needs or desires: Clearly state what you need or want moving forward. This provides a constructive solution or request.
Example: "I need to be able to finish my thoughts before you respond."
Putting it all together, an effective "I statement" would look like this: "I feel frustrated when you interrupt me during meetings because it makes it hard for me to share my ideas. I need to be able to finish my thoughts before you respond."
Tips for Using "I Statements"
Be specific: Focus on particular behaviors or situations rather than generalizing.
Stay calm: Use a calm and respectful tone to avoid escalating the conversation.
Be honest: Communicate your genuine feelings and needs.
Practice active listening: After expressing your "I statement," listen to the other person's response without interrupting.
Using "I statements" can improve communication, reduce misunderstandings, and help build healthier relationships.
3. Are you ready to negotiate?
It's crucial to show that you value the other person's needs. This isn't about winning or competition; it's about compromising to improve the relationship. Both parties' needs are valid (unless they infringe on basic rights).
The goal is to create mutual trust and respect. Think about your relationship. How would you show your willingness to cooperate and compromise? What would you say?
If you are not ready to compromise then you are not ready for the conversation. Go back a step and think of how you may benefit from compromising.
